Never Again
by Insert a Catchy Penname Here
Summary: "Katlyin," he knealt down to her level, "promise me you'll never fall in love." "Never again," she swore in tears
1. Don't fall in love

Never Again

Author Note: Okay, I went out to help my dad take down all the Christmas stuff, and I am STILL freezing cold. So I got inspired for this after that and then reading some Jatie fics that are somewhat depressing. *Shrug* Enjoy this one-shot!

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_**8 years ago...**  
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Katie wasn't used to seeing her brother so silent, so still..so depressed. The seven year old watched as tears occasionally leaked over his eyes, silently dripping onto the frozen ground. She clutched her arms to her chest and lowered her gaze, not wanting this life anymore. She hated it, it was so horrible. Why did the bad always happen to the good?

Her brother was an amazing person, even being a thirteen year old. He was kind, patient, leaderly, and collected. She'd never seen him close up and fall apart within himself like this before. She knealt down to the gravestone they were before and pressed her hands to the cold stone.

"Why?" she whispered, "why did this happen? Why did you do this to us? Why did you do it to _him_?" Her heart finally opened up, and she sobbed silently, slumping against the iced-over dust.

Suddenly, she was within two arms. They weren't warm physically, but just knowing he was still there inside was enough for her. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his neck.

"Promise me, Katilyn," he set her down, kneeling to her level, "promise me you'll never fall in love."

"Never again," she let her eyes fall on the gravestone one more time.

_Here lies Kendall George Knight. _

_He went too young, why did he have to go? Why did he have to lie? Why didn't he stay away? _

_He will be greatly missed _

She grabbed her brother's hand, and both of them went to a broken home with matching hearts.

**_In the present time... _**

Fifteen year old Katie was laying across her bed, listening to her music and staring at her ceiling. Her mom was working overtime all the time recently, and with Kendall being on tour all the time, she was used to being alone. But being alone affected her so much more than she let on. When she was alone she'd think. And if she thought too much, she'd think of her father.

He drank so much. He was party man, and he went to them almost every night. He lied to their mother, he lied to everyone. Everyone but Katie. She knew, and so did Kendall. They watched as he wasted his life, not understanding in their youth. But as Kendall grew older, he started to understand. He grew more distant from his mother and sister and spent a lot of time with his father.

Then their mom found out the truth. They yelled, there were bangs and screams...

The cops came.

There was blood and screaming, fighting and tears. He threw a piece of shattered glass. The officer pulled a gun.

Katie would never forget how she stood there, a scrawny, timid seven year old, sobbing in her big brother's arms as he hit the ground.

"Katie!" two big emerld eyes made her smile, "listening to Green Week or Justin Beaver?"

"Not Green Day or Justin Bieber," she stuck out her tongue at her twenty one year old brother, "Katie Perry."

"I was close," he joked, pulling out her ear phones and pulling her off the bed, "get up, you're brothers are only here tonight!"

She eagerly got up and hugged him before greeting her other three brother figures. Logan was calling the pizza place as Carlos begged for stuffed crust, and James was doing his hair. It was the normal sight for when they got a break from their world tours. Putting her fingers in her mouth, she whistled loudly, grabbing their attention and excitement.

"Katie Girl!" Carlos cried her old nickname, picking her off her feet and twirling her around.

"Good evening, Lady Katliyn," Logan used his old nickname for her to tease, bowing like an idiot.

"Shut up, Sir Four Eyes," she was referring to his glasses that he wore when he was around the house instead of contacts.

"There's my Katie Cat," James took her from his brother figure's arms and kissed her cheek, being followed by the other three.

She giggled and blushed, punching his shoulder lightly. The next thing she knew, all four of them were inhauling pizzas as she tried to keep up.

"You guys are gross," the moment she said that she burped loudly, and the band laughed and teased her for it.

When things settled down, Carlos was forcing Logan to watch a horror movie as James sprawled out on the couch, fast asleep with a half eaten pizza stuck to his cheek. Kendall was writing a song with Katie, as they always did when they were home with her.

"Is everything okay?" he inquired as she sharpened her pencil.

"Yes," she put on a convincing smile, "being alone sure gives you time to be crazy and nobody judge you."

"That's great," he stuck out his tongue, "I wouldn't know. Our tour's over in a few months, then we got promised to stay at home for the rest of the year."

"Three whole months?" it almost seemed to good to believe, "oh my gosh!" She couldn't contain her joyful sobs as she threw her arms around his neck.

_**Three months later... **_

"It was too good to be true..." tears fell rabidly and freely from her eyes as she watched the horror replay on the screen. It was always the same: seeing all four of her brother figures fighting the crowd as normal, then a hater who came just to taunt them pull out a gun from the corner of the screen, hearing three shots, screams, and the screen smashing.

She was sitting alone in the living room again. Carlos was badly hurt from the panic and shot in the leg, and Logan was in a coma. James was stressed and trying to straighten out everything and make plans...for the funeral.

"Kendall, you told me to never fall in love," she paused the screen so she could stare at his face, "I never knew I shouldn't love you either."

"Katie Cat," his voice didn't even make her look up, "nobody could have known. He never wanted to leave you."

"Well neither did Dad!" she burst into harder sobs that racked her entire body, "and now I've got nobody!"

"You have your mom, you'll have Logan soon, you have Carlos, and you have me," he reminded, sliding beside her.

"NO!" she choked, "Mom's always gone, she doesn't love me! Logan will never wake up, will he? And Carlos is hurt, his leg will never be the same!" She buried her face in her hands and ran into her room, locking the door.

When she finally could sit up again, she looked at her drawer and pulled out a piece of the glass. The piece of glass her father had thrown to end his life. Had it made him happy? Would it make her happy?

"I think you forgot," suddenly, James was behind her, wrapping his arms around her, "you still have me."

"Never again..." she dropped the glass with the thought, "I will never again fall in love."

"Okay, but you do," he swore, "always."

She turned around and threw her arms around him, "Love...again..."


	2. Reality

Never Again 2

Author Note: Orginally, this was only going to be a one-shot. But I got a good response, so I guess I shall write on! :D

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It was still true pain for the teenage girl.

It had been about two weeks since her big brother's cruel, unexpected death, and she'd cried every tear that was possible for her to cry out at this point. Now she was lapsing into a severe depression, one that she faintly had a feeling that would consume her for quite some time. James didn't seem to be doing much better; even since Kendall's death, not only had he had to drug himself heavily to keep from going into severe depression as well, but he was having to care for the remaining Knight family as well.

Ms. Knight was depressed and stressed out, struggling with three jobs on insane hours and her suddenly pain-pill addiction. She seemed to slip from the world, only mumbling about how it was her fault as she cooked, as she slept, and as she cried in the car. Katie couldn't really blame her, but it was very hard to see her go through such agony within herself…it was tearing her apart inside and outside.

Logan was still in a coma, and Carlos was always in pain with his leg, even with the morphine overdose. He wasn't the same guy, full of life and always wearing his helmet. Now he was fighting a long, teary battle with his leg and neck injuries as he prayed for his intelligent buddy to wake up, to please wake up, to not make everyone lose him like he'd already lost their pack leader.

It seemed as though not many really paid attention to the small teenage girl who had begun cutting.

She sat on the edge of the bathtub, the shaving razor clutching her pale, shaking hand. The funeral was long, and she cried while she sang a couple of his favorite songs, like "Blackbird", as well as "Tomorrow will be Kinder" and "I Miss You". When it finally ended, she kissed his cold cheek and pressed her face to his chest that used to be so warm, and it took all her will to finally let him go.

And now she was cutting again. She faintly remembered how she used to be; how she'd always trick her four older brothers or make legal contracts. She used to dream of being a lawyer or business manager, but it wasn't possible now, in her mind. To go through such heavy losses….it was all too much just to get up and go to the bathroom from where she'd laid in the bed, not evening crying, just staring at the ceiling as her iPod played, lost in her own simple thoughts within her own head.

"Katie Cat?" and suddenly James was there, pulling her away from the reddened tub and propping her up against her many pillows on her bed and setting a small bowl of vegetable beef soup in her lap, "it's time for diner, okay? Will you eat for me this time?"

Even in her lost, slowly-driving insane state, she could see the pleading his eyes, and the tiredness in them. He was becoming very weary trying to juggle of this, but she knew she couldn't really help much at this point. So she just nodded a bit, bringing to spoon to her lips and not caring that it burned her tongue. He didn't seem to mind as he rubbed his face with both hands, sighing and trudging back to the main room to feed her mother as well.

It wasn't fair to him, and she knew it.

_***** James-centric*** **_

He raked his hand through his tangled, oily hair. At this point, he didn't really care what he looked like. How long had it been since he showered, anyway? Probably not in two weeks….maybe sooner, but he shook this thought from his head with ease. He had to get these due bills paid before they shut off the lights or water or stove….if they did that, then he'd have to move Ms. Knight and Katie into his own apartment, which is was struggling to manage as well. He'd bought it a week before the huge accident, thinking on letting his parents stay there to be closer to him but now forced to keep the two of them in his home state.

Then there were the hospital bills to think about….

He let out a small shriek into a throw-pillow on the couch. He needed sleep…oh, he desperately needed some sleep. But there was no time for it anymore, and he didn't care if he was neglecting his health. No, Kendall's family and his two best friends were much more important than that.

And he knew that for a fact.

_*****Carlos centertric*** **_

The pain was eating his leg, mind, and heart alive.

He looked over to his smart friend, "Logan …I know you weren't ever the stronger hockey player, or had the most stamina, or anything like that…but I do know you can make it through this, buddy. C' mon, Logan…please, just wake up."

He felt tears pricking his eyes, and he wiped them away with back of his hand, which had a couple of scratches on it. It was hard to through all of this so fast….how could this have happened to them, to him?

To Kendall….

_*****Logan centric*** **_

It was dark. It was so dark, that the sun never even thought about shining in this place. He was scared to death at first as he struggling to touch his three best friends, to at least open his eyes and see them.

But he soon realized they were there with him.

He was constantly able to relive his favorite moments in life, and even create wild, new ones. It was almost as if he was trapped within his own mind, thoughts, dreams….perhaps he was. That would make the most sense, after all. But he didn't try and worry about it…

In this place, he was safe and warm. He was always happy, and he was still alive. He could sleep on comfortably and dream endlessly.

In this place, he was hidden from reality.


End file.
